Obsessed
by A True Weasley
Summary: Everyone is obsessed with Harry. They stalk him. So now, the only thing he has left to say is, "Why are you so obsessed with me?"
1. Dumbledore

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Harry strolled casually down the halls, trying to walk like a rapper and rap like Lil' Wayne.

He was in a good mood. Nothing could ruin this day. Not even Snape. And that was really saying something.

So in the middle of Lollipop, he realized he was being followed.

He sighed. He had been followed many, many times before.

He walked faster. What if Voldy was behind him?

The voice of the stalker cried out, "Harry!"  
He turned around, only to see….

Dumbledore!

"Hey Harry, come meet me in my office-"

"Why are you so obsessed with me?!" Harry shrieked.

Dumbledore looked confused. "What?"  
Harry screamed and ran away.  
"So then I was like, 'Why are you so obsessed with me?'!" Harry said, recounting the tale to his friends.

"No way!" they all exclaimed.

"Yep," Harry said, "I asked Dumbledore why he was so obsessed with me. I'm really getting tired of these 'special' meetings in his office. He keeps talking to me like he's my therapist or something."

"Because you really need a _therapist_," Ron snorted.

Harry was doing his "rapper" walk and was singing Jay-Z today.

He heard the footsteps.

"No!" he shrieked, turning around to face Dumbledore, "Why are you so incredibly obsessed with me?!"  
Dumbledore didn't know what to say.

Harry turned and ran.

But little did he know there were many others that were obsessed with him.

**So, this story is based off of the quote from Mariah Carey's song "Obsessed" ("And I was like…why are you so obsessed with me?"). And it's not over yet.**

**Love it? Review. Hate it? Don't even bother to review.**


	2. That ain't TPain, Fool!

Harry stood in the graveyard, not knowing what to do.

Voldy had just killed Cedric…who was going to be next?  
But most importantly…why was Voldy so obsessed with him?  
"Voldy!" he called out.

Voldy stopped in the middle of his rant about Hello Kitty.  
"How dare you address me so, you-foul, little-"

"Why are you so obsessed with me?!" Harry asked.

Wormtail began to dance. "So, oh, oh-oh, so oh-oh-oh…so oh-oh-oh-oh obsessed-"

"Wormtail! Stop it right now!"

"My lord, I am sorry."

"You are so obsessed with me it's not even funny," Harry said, "In fact, I am going to tell the Muggle prime minister and get a restraining order against you. I'm tired of you stalking me."  
Voldy's mouth hung open.

"Why? What is so special about me? I mean, I know I sound like T-Pain when I rap-"

"You do _not _sound like T-Pain when you rap! You sound like…Snape!" Lucius cried.

Snape strolled in casually. "Do my ears detect foul mouthingness? 500,000 points from Mariah Carey."  
Voldy shrieked, "Stop! Stop! We _must _kill Potter!"  
"No! I refuse to die by you, you…stalker! WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME?!"  
Voldy spun around and counted to ten.  
"Now I will defeat you with my T-Pain rap!" Harry screamed, "Shawty's like a melody in my head-"

"That ain't T-Pain or rap, fool!" Yaxley cried.

* * *

"So then I asked him, 'Why are you so obsessed with me?' And oh man, was he upset!" Harry said, recounting the tale to his friends.

"No!" they all cried.

"Yes!" Harry said proudly.

"Wouldn't he have almost killed you?"  
"He almost did," Harry said, "until I started to rap like T-Pain."  
Everyone gasped.

"You don't sound like T-Pain," Draco said, "You sound like Snapette."  
**Aren't you guys glad I updated? So…review. Or Harry will rap like T-Pain/Snape in your face.**


	3. The Purse of Potter

Harry strolled leisurely down the halls, humming rap songs to himself.

He was very much aware that he was being followed by Crabbe and Goyle.

He waited until just the right moment, and then he turned around and said, "Why are you so obsessed with me??"  
Crabbe and Goyle were very startled and both ran into poles.

Harry laughed, but then resumed his seriousness.

"We're NOT," Crabbe said, crossing his arms.

"Draco just gave us a super secret spy mission," Goyle said angrily.

Harry held in laughter.

"It was called…um…it had a big word in it…"  
"It was called 'The Purse of Potter'," Goyle said.

This confused Harry. "But I don't own a purse…"  
Draco came up and slapped Crabbe and Goyle, and then he yelled in frustration.

"You two can never do anything right! 'The Pursuit of Potter' will never be finished now! Now Voldy will hate me because all of his stalker plans were ruined! Don't you two understand?! I HAVE TO DO THIS!!"

Harry began to laugh.

Draco was madder now. "'The Purse of Potter'?! How stupid are you two? Even I know that Harry has enough common sense not to own a purse! Next time, you two will be tied to a chair using jump ropes! You will spend hours trying to get the ropes off, and then, 8 hours later, you will realize there never were any ropes!"  
Harry laughed harder. The image of Crabbe and Goyle tied to chair trying to figure out how to get untied was hilarious.

Draco practically had steam coming out of his ears. "My father will not be pleased that Voldy's stalker plans have been ruined."

Harry had calmed down now, but he still had his question in his head.

"But I'm serious…why are you all so obsessed with me?"  
Crabbe and Goyle got upset, because really, all of this talking was making their brains explode. So they began to run around in circles, and then they ran into each other. They lay on the floor, confused about what had just happened.

"I think," Harry pondered, "that Voldy is jealous that I am cooler than him."  
Draco ignored Harry. "Now you both will have to carry purses around for the rest of the week!"

Draco angrily looked down at them, and then he left.

Harry angrily called after him, "YOU'RE ALL OBSESSED WITH ME!"

* * *

Later that night, Harry sat with his friends in a circle in the Common Room. They all were listening and laughing about Harry's encounter with Crabbe, Goyle, and Draco earlier.

Harry asked them all his question. "Why are they all so obsessed with me?"

**I finally updated! FINALLY! Review!**


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